We have got to have set a record for passports. Dustin and I applied for our passports on different days at the post office in Jenks. They take your picture there so it cuts out an extra step of bringing the passport picture that you had taken somewhere else.
10 days
That's right. It only took 10 days to receive our passports in the mail from application date. When you apply don't forget you need your parents full official name, birthdate, city & county of birth.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Picking a placement agency
At this time there are 60 agencies that place children from China. How do we pick which one to have our partnership of bringing home our daughter? After much research I narrowed the choices to seven. That is in itself a huge task. But the seven are all 5 star, highly recommended agencies. We can only use one. Some of the differences between the agencies are:
Group Travel
Group travel has fellowship but groups only leave on certain days so you might have to wait a month to catch the next outgoing group. Groups have a specific daily itinerary including times to be leaving for activities. Due to some personal health issues we can't always have a set schedule of times to leave.
Scheduling and Paying for Travel
Most, but not all agencies expect you to pay for your own international flights to the province where your child is located. There are large differences between the fees of in country travel. Some agencies are known or suspected of marking up the hotels and in country flights above cost. You need to fly from the province after 2-3 days to Guangzhou previously known as Canton, in southern China near Hong Kong. In Guangzhou you stay to do paperwork for approximately 10 days. Then you fly back to the states from Hong Kong or perhaps you fly to Beijing and international from there. Your in country agency fees usually include flight from province to Guangzhou, hotels, entrance fees to a few attractions, guide and driver.
Designated List or only Shared List
As I discussed on a previous blog some agencies have designated lists as well as access to the shared list. Can an agency match you as well without having access to as many children as other agencies? The shared list at this time has around 2000 children listed. Every month a list of 50-300 new children are added to the shared list.
Keeping in mind we are only considering seven agencies that are highly rated so any of them are no doubt great we have to choose one. There are other differences that were not as important to us but other parents might give more weight. Like when your fees to agency are due in the process or ability to wire orphanage donation/fee.
We have chosen CAWLI
China Adoption With Love, Inc.
If you want to read about the agency we have chosen to be our partner in bringing this addition to our family their address is cawli.org.
__________________________________________________________________________
I love the idea of having a place to share my thoughts and frustrations of this process but finding the time is hard. I'll try to update the blog from my Iphone. Perhaps that will be easier than finding time to write at the desk. It will however make for shorter posts due to the lack of keyboard.
Group Travel
Group travel has fellowship but groups only leave on certain days so you might have to wait a month to catch the next outgoing group. Groups have a specific daily itinerary including times to be leaving for activities. Due to some personal health issues we can't always have a set schedule of times to leave.
Scheduling and Paying for Travel
Most, but not all agencies expect you to pay for your own international flights to the province where your child is located. There are large differences between the fees of in country travel. Some agencies are known or suspected of marking up the hotels and in country flights above cost. You need to fly from the province after 2-3 days to Guangzhou previously known as Canton, in southern China near Hong Kong. In Guangzhou you stay to do paperwork for approximately 10 days. Then you fly back to the states from Hong Kong or perhaps you fly to Beijing and international from there. Your in country agency fees usually include flight from province to Guangzhou, hotels, entrance fees to a few attractions, guide and driver.
Designated List or only Shared List
As I discussed on a previous blog some agencies have designated lists as well as access to the shared list. Can an agency match you as well without having access to as many children as other agencies? The shared list at this time has around 2000 children listed. Every month a list of 50-300 new children are added to the shared list.
Keeping in mind we are only considering seven agencies that are highly rated so any of them are no doubt great we have to choose one. There are other differences that were not as important to us but other parents might give more weight. Like when your fees to agency are due in the process or ability to wire orphanage donation/fee.
We have chosen CAWLI
China Adoption With Love, Inc.
If you want to read about the agency we have chosen to be our partner in bringing this addition to our family their address is cawli.org.
__________________________________________________________________________
I love the idea of having a place to share my thoughts and frustrations of this process but finding the time is hard. I'll try to update the blog from my Iphone. Perhaps that will be easier than finding time to write at the desk. It will however make for shorter posts due to the lack of keyboard.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Today is the official beginning
Today I am driving to Edmond to meet with our Home Study Social Worker and drop off a check. She was recommended by the Oklahoma Yahoo group. In all my research I have only found 3 agencies for home study (HS) in the state. Didn't I say earlier I have never met anyone my age who adopted? Earlene has been doing home studies for over 30 years. She has to have seen a lot. A longer wait since she is so popular but we believe she will do it right the first time. HS agency sends it to placing agency and placing can send it back for changes if they don't like how something is phrased.
We have yet to choose our placing agency. Many more than 3 to choose from. 100's. The placing agency isn't usually in your home state. We did check out the biggest one in our state and they didn't wow us with their commitment to China adoptions. HS says we have about one month to choose. There are 3 different ways to find your child in china.
CCAA (China Adoption) puts out a list of children who need homes about once a month. This is called the shared list. As of September for some of those children who have never been on the list before have to have LID in order for you to look at their files. If they have been on the list for 2 months you have 3 months to DTC. And some of the hardest ones to place that have been on the list for 3 months you have 6 months to DTC. You can use any agency to adopt off the shared list. You have 72 hours to examine file and decide if this is your child. DTC (dossier to China) & LID (Log in Date) means you have HS completed and about half of your remaining paperwork is already done. Probably around 5 months.
As if that wasn't confusing enough the CCAA sends some children directly to agencies designated list. Those are children that agency spends extra time getting the files updated and answers to questions. You can only adopt one of those children through that agency. Many advocates blog the info on these kids so you can see them. Then if you want them you have to change your paperwork to that agency OR if that agency cannot find them a home within 3 months they release the kids to go on the shared list. (Not likely, they try very hard to find placements) Some agency's also host "camps". CCAA sends around 30 kids from different orphanages to a central location where they have a camp fun experience. Usually harder to place and older children. Those kids are designated for 3 months to the agency who paid for the camp. But there is now a large amount of information on each child with videos usually.
Special Focus Agency specific. Any agency can pull any child off the shared list and put them on their Special Focus list for 3 months. This is great if you are interested in a child on the shared list but think you will need longer than 72 hours to get any information you need to make a decision. The bad part is that the agencies can and do pull all the children with less serious needs off the shared list within a day of the list being released. Now to adopt that child you have to use this specific agency or wait 3 months and see it the child is still there. Not all agencies get designated lists so those only have the option of pulling from the shared list.
Things I've learned:
1. China time is 13 hours ahead of us.
2. The shared list release date is known and the time is around 10pm
3. Good agencies are waiting by their computers with a list of parents awaiting matches and the exact special needs those parents are willing to accept.
4. This is hard to say. Children, especially girls, with minor needs are matched within minutes. If your agency has a long list they are working on matching or your acceptable needs are narrow you might not get a match. If your agency says they check the list first thing in the morning, change agencies. You must be LID for minor needs, just listed or girls. Agency rep then goes to bed and tells you of your match in the morning. or afternoon. or evening. or the next day. All the while your 72 hours are counting.
5. No one blogs or posts about possible matches until LOI (letter of intent) and PA (pre-approval)
6. If a family doesn't accept their match the child goes back on the shared list. This creates another frenzy at 72 hours of second chances.
7. If you decline a referral your agency will most likely try to match you again next month.
8. You can look all month at the shared, special focus and designated lists. But if you find your child on another agencies designated list and you are already LID with your agency you have to again pay all money you already paid agency #1 to change to new agency.
9. China changes the rules with no warning. But this is one of the most stable country programs.
So which agency do we choose? Who will have our child on their list in 5 months? Finding out who is matching off the shared list right away is not hard. Who stays up all night matching? But what if she's not on that list? What if she never was on the list and went straight to an agency's designated list? Which agency will it be? We have narrowed it down to five. ASIA, CAWLI, WACAP, Lifeline, FTIA.
We have yet to choose our placing agency. Many more than 3 to choose from. 100's. The placing agency isn't usually in your home state. We did check out the biggest one in our state and they didn't wow us with their commitment to China adoptions. HS says we have about one month to choose. There are 3 different ways to find your child in china.
CCAA (China Adoption) puts out a list of children who need homes about once a month. This is called the shared list. As of September for some of those children who have never been on the list before have to have LID in order for you to look at their files. If they have been on the list for 2 months you have 3 months to DTC. And some of the hardest ones to place that have been on the list for 3 months you have 6 months to DTC. You can use any agency to adopt off the shared list. You have 72 hours to examine file and decide if this is your child. DTC (dossier to China) & LID (Log in Date) means you have HS completed and about half of your remaining paperwork is already done. Probably around 5 months.
As if that wasn't confusing enough the CCAA sends some children directly to agencies designated list. Those are children that agency spends extra time getting the files updated and answers to questions. You can only adopt one of those children through that agency. Many advocates blog the info on these kids so you can see them. Then if you want them you have to change your paperwork to that agency OR if that agency cannot find them a home within 3 months they release the kids to go on the shared list. (Not likely, they try very hard to find placements) Some agency's also host "camps". CCAA sends around 30 kids from different orphanages to a central location where they have a camp fun experience. Usually harder to place and older children. Those kids are designated for 3 months to the agency who paid for the camp. But there is now a large amount of information on each child with videos usually.
Special Focus Agency specific. Any agency can pull any child off the shared list and put them on their Special Focus list for 3 months. This is great if you are interested in a child on the shared list but think you will need longer than 72 hours to get any information you need to make a decision. The bad part is that the agencies can and do pull all the children with less serious needs off the shared list within a day of the list being released. Now to adopt that child you have to use this specific agency or wait 3 months and see it the child is still there. Not all agencies get designated lists so those only have the option of pulling from the shared list.
Things I've learned:
1. China time is 13 hours ahead of us.
2. The shared list release date is known and the time is around 10pm
3. Good agencies are waiting by their computers with a list of parents awaiting matches and the exact special needs those parents are willing to accept.
4. This is hard to say. Children, especially girls, with minor needs are matched within minutes. If your agency has a long list they are working on matching or your acceptable needs are narrow you might not get a match. If your agency says they check the list first thing in the morning, change agencies. You must be LID for minor needs, just listed or girls. Agency rep then goes to bed and tells you of your match in the morning. or afternoon. or evening. or the next day. All the while your 72 hours are counting.
5. No one blogs or posts about possible matches until LOI (letter of intent) and PA (pre-approval)
6. If a family doesn't accept their match the child goes back on the shared list. This creates another frenzy at 72 hours of second chances.
7. If you decline a referral your agency will most likely try to match you again next month.
8. You can look all month at the shared, special focus and designated lists. But if you find your child on another agencies designated list and you are already LID with your agency you have to again pay all money you already paid agency #1 to change to new agency.
9. China changes the rules with no warning. But this is one of the most stable country programs.
So which agency do we choose? Who will have our child on their list in 5 months? Finding out who is matching off the shared list right away is not hard. Who stays up all night matching? But what if she's not on that list? What if she never was on the list and went straight to an agency's designated list? Which agency will it be? We have narrowed it down to five. ASIA, CAWLI, WACAP, Lifeline, FTIA.
YES
September 2010
YES YES YES YES YES
I don't have much else to add.
This was not gone into lightly. My hope is my sharing the feelings that came before and and months of thinking about the consequences to our family will make everyone who matters to me understand. This isn't a lark. We are not going into adoption without clear heads. Yes, children overseas in many countries could benefit from adoption. No, that was not the reason. Could I have lived my life with no more children? Certainly. Happily? Probably
Are we going to live our lives with only the two boys? No
Come with us on our journey and enjoy the sights, sounds & knowledge grown. Or at least don't stand in the way.
To my family:
Yes, you will love her like one of the boys. Yes, there will be disagreements over many things and you might not agree. I wish you could understand. No, I will not bring my immediate family around negativity. Choose well. I want you in our lives. We need your love. And support. And the number of caring people in our lives can never be to many.
YES YES YES YES YES
I don't have much else to add.
This was not gone into lightly. My hope is my sharing the feelings that came before and and months of thinking about the consequences to our family will make everyone who matters to me understand. This isn't a lark. We are not going into adoption without clear heads. Yes, children overseas in many countries could benefit from adoption. No, that was not the reason. Could I have lived my life with no more children? Certainly. Happily? Probably
Are we going to live our lives with only the two boys? No
Come with us on our journey and enjoy the sights, sounds & knowledge grown. Or at least don't stand in the way.
To my family:
Yes, you will love her like one of the boys. Yes, there will be disagreements over many things and you might not agree. I wish you could understand. No, I will not bring my immediate family around negativity. Choose well. I want you in our lives. We need your love. And support. And the number of caring people in our lives can never be to many.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Waiting time getting longer
Summer 2009
Hey, have you given any thought to adopting? Cause I happened to read that China adoptions are now taking 2 1/2 years.
That's right. I just stumbled across that information in my hours and days spent online reading everything about the adoption process I can find. But its no big deal if you haven't had time to really give it much thought.
Winter 2009
Hey, adoptions from China are now taking 3.5 years. Just wanted to let you know. Oh, haven't thought about it. OK. Could you maybe consider it. If you have any questions this is what I know or I can find answers.
Summer 2010
Hey, adoptions from China are now taking 4.5 years and we're getting older what have you decided? I think it's time to make a decision. Doing nothing is still making a decision.
The next couple of months is filled with very personal and heartfelt conversations with DH that I would never post, sorry.
Hey, have you given any thought to adopting? Cause I happened to read that China adoptions are now taking 2 1/2 years.
That's right. I just stumbled across that information in my hours and days spent online reading everything about the adoption process I can find. But its no big deal if you haven't had time to really give it much thought.
Winter 2009
Hey, adoptions from China are now taking 3.5 years. Just wanted to let you know. Oh, haven't thought about it. OK. Could you maybe consider it. If you have any questions this is what I know or I can find answers.
Summer 2010
Hey, adoptions from China are now taking 4.5 years and we're getting older what have you decided? I think it's time to make a decision. Doing nothing is still making a decision.
The next couple of months is filled with very personal and heartfelt conversations with DH that I would never post, sorry.
A little here, a little there.
Back to thinking about HER. Leave this ALONE! Crazy thinking, no point in even bringing it up.
Every time I get any cash, that night I squirrel it away. It's just a rainy day fund, right? For another day like the big ice storm where everyone lost power for days. No ATM's. It's a good precaution to have some cash. Why have I not told DH? Haven't gotten around to it. Not like its a secret. I put the money away in front of him. Remind him of the ice storm disaster.
By the way, what do you think about adopting a little girl? Stop laughing!!! It wasn't a joke. Just think about it ok?
Every time I get any cash, that night I squirrel it away. It's just a rainy day fund, right? For another day like the big ice storm where everyone lost power for days. No ATM's. It's a good precaution to have some cash. Why have I not told DH? Haven't gotten around to it. Not like its a secret. I put the money away in front of him. Remind him of the ice storm disaster.
By the way, what do you think about adopting a little girl? Stop laughing!!! It wasn't a joke. Just think about it ok?
A innocent comment at Christmas
A cherished aunt talks about how she has been trying to convince her children to adopt. She knew someone who adopted from China, twice. She doesn't know who she is talking to, a mom who has been struggling to NOT ROCK the BOAT! Crazy talk. Crazy aunt. I should have stayed home.
Why?
We are a happy family. I think. Not poor, not rich. Just average working stiffs that like to watch to much TV and eat way way to much food that's not good for us. As will show in the pictures I'm sure.
My husband has been my best friend for almost 18 years. As I'm sure most of you know when we decided to start our family there were a few hurdles. Those unfortunately have become more common, or at least more commonly talked about in the general public. We were one of the lucky ones. After a number of doctor visits and a long 9 months we had our first. What I thought would probably be our only. LOL In the midst of enjoying our 1 year old, surprise! Our next son born when his brother was 2 1/4 years old. New challenges to keep life interesting.
But this story is not about those early years.
I had assumed son #1 would be a girl. NO I assumed son #2 would be a girl. NO
Already disobeying before birth. Very foretelling.
I guess if I want a girl I'll have to go find her myself!!!
I have never known anyone my age who adopted. Or who was adopted. Its just not very common here I suppose. But I heard it mentioned on TV. Referenced in a book. Never gave it much thought but a hum, interesting. And moved on with my life. The years go by. We open our own business. Busy? You bet.
Early in 2008 adoption is more on my mind. No, not because of celebrities. I have never been one to follow their lives or their paths. It becomes like the beginning, 1996. I see babies. Worry, think, cry. But I don't tell anyone. Its crazy. Our lives are just becoming stable again after the business startup. The kids are doing well. Don't rock the boat. I maybe mention it to DH when we watch the news if its an adoption story. Feeling him out. Nothing. Need to stop thinking about it. And I do, mostly......
My husband has been my best friend for almost 18 years. As I'm sure most of you know when we decided to start our family there were a few hurdles. Those unfortunately have become more common, or at least more commonly talked about in the general public. We were one of the lucky ones. After a number of doctor visits and a long 9 months we had our first. What I thought would probably be our only. LOL In the midst of enjoying our 1 year old, surprise! Our next son born when his brother was 2 1/4 years old. New challenges to keep life interesting.
But this story is not about those early years.
I had assumed son #1 would be a girl. NO I assumed son #2 would be a girl. NO
Already disobeying before birth. Very foretelling.
I guess if I want a girl I'll have to go find her myself!!!
I have never known anyone my age who adopted. Or who was adopted. Its just not very common here I suppose. But I heard it mentioned on TV. Referenced in a book. Never gave it much thought but a hum, interesting. And moved on with my life. The years go by. We open our own business. Busy? You bet.
Early in 2008 adoption is more on my mind. No, not because of celebrities. I have never been one to follow their lives or their paths. It becomes like the beginning, 1996. I see babies. Worry, think, cry. But I don't tell anyone. Its crazy. Our lives are just becoming stable again after the business startup. The kids are doing well. Don't rock the boat. I maybe mention it to DH when we watch the news if its an adoption story. Feeling him out. Nothing. Need to stop thinking about it. And I do, mostly......
Hi! From Oklahoma
The old fashioned leather diary is gone. Lock and key safe. Here for all the world to see now.
Starting on a new journey. One we have never been on before. We love to travel off the beaten paths, but just a little way off. This journey will take us across the world. To uncomfortable places not just outside but probably inside as well.
Excitement-tears-joy-fears-worries & feelings that this is right.
A daughter
My sons are wonderful.
One still wants to cuddle, sleep in my bed when dad is away, lap time is special and so is he. Will he pull away from me? Someday. But not now.
The oldest moves away from me already. Just turned 13 or was that 18? No hugs & no mommy anymore. But the adult he is becoming. Understanding what others need and feel. Willing to be a partner in the family. Giving more than he takes anymore.
Are they ready? They say they are. But what do they really understand about how this will change our family? What do I know?
Starting on a new journey. One we have never been on before. We love to travel off the beaten paths, but just a little way off. This journey will take us across the world. To uncomfortable places not just outside but probably inside as well.
Excitement-tears-joy-fears-worries & feelings that this is right.
A daughter
My sons are wonderful.
One still wants to cuddle, sleep in my bed when dad is away, lap time is special and so is he. Will he pull away from me? Someday. But not now.
The oldest moves away from me already. Just turned 13 or was that 18? No hugs & no mommy anymore. But the adult he is becoming. Understanding what others need and feel. Willing to be a partner in the family. Giving more than he takes anymore.
Are they ready? They say they are. But what do they really understand about how this will change our family? What do I know?
I haven't decided if I will let anyone see this blog. Would it help me to write my feelings without fear of judgements? Or would it be more helpful to share this journey with family and friends? Knowing that every one of us keeps secrets deep within that we share not even with ourselves.
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